Mission Impossibly Improbable
by Fallenwriter
Summary: Join Megan (The pyscho) Elijah (The one that always gets hurt) Kate (The smart one) and Craig (The nobody) as they try to finish their missions without getting killed. Very funny! ^_^ R/R
1. A mission gone wrong

A really retarded picture presents:  
  
  
  
A Smiley monkey production:  
  
  
  
Mission Impossibly Improbable  
  
(Really, we're not kidding)  
  
(Stop laughing!)  
  
(These people are idiots!)  
  
(THEY CAN'T FINSIH THEIR MISSIONS!)  
  
(Fine, but don't say we didn't warn you.suckers)  
  
Some Russian embassy  
  
Night  
  
"La, la, la, la, la, la, la!" Megan sung at the top of her lungs. Her partner Elijah quickly hushed her.  
  
"You know you're going to get us killed! Shut up!" Megan put a hand over her mouth. He blue eyes opened wider as she spotted something from across the room. Removing her hand she began to speak, again.  
  
"That guy doesn't look right ELIJAH!" She screamed Elijah's name at the top of her lungs attracting the mans attention. The man began to walk towards the pillar which Elijah and Megan were hiding behind.  
  
"On the count of three," Elijah said in a whispered voice, "One, two!" Megan, obviously in her own little world suddenly snapped back.  
  
"Three!" she screamed. With a rush of sugar Megan leaped out from behind the pillar startling the man. Megan got down into a downright hilarious tiger crouch and pretended that she actually knew what she was doing.  
  
"What are you?" he said, "A crazy?" Megan hopped to her feet and smiled at him.  
  
"No, my name is Megan and I can hurt you without even looking at you," she said proudly. The man laughed and looked Megan over. She looked like a simple girl straight out of college in his eyes. He was close to the mark. Megan was in fact eighteen going on nineteen. She may have been a budding young woman but she easily had the mentality of a three year old high on sugar and caffeine, sometimes. But when she was needed, she could be like a lion in the midst of a group of hunters, quick and precise.  
  
"What are you going to do?" he mocked, "Give me a magic makeover?" Megan reached slowly into her pocket with one of her hands while she spoke to the man in a calm voice.  
  
"No, I'm going to flip over you, whack you in the head, and you'll never even know I did it!" She fiddled in her pocket with a small device shaped like an egg. She pushed a tiny button and the egg like device opened up into a spray bottle.  
  
"So you're going to move at the speed of light or something?" the man said amused. Megan made a small movement with her head to motion to Elijah to move into position.  
  
"Yes, the speed of light," she said with a goofy smile. The bad dude, as Megan liked to call them, came a step closer. Megan nodded her head and did a clear flip over the man and landed on the other side. He turned around and she sprayed his eyes with the tiny canister, filled with pepper spray.  
  
"My eyes!" he screamed as she banged down hard on his head which rendered him unconscious on the floor. Elijah walked over carrying with him a special device that adhered the person to the floor for a period of twelve hours. After spraying the man down good Megan turned to Elijah.  
  
"I hope I didn't ruin the mission," she apologized. Elijah placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled.  
  
"Hey," he said, "It's OK. But right now we need to go save an ambassador." Megan nodded and they started off. There were no more guards for the remainder of the hall but when they reached the double doors they peered through and counted a total of nine.  
  
"The ambassador most be in one of those rooms," Megan said referring to the three doors in the round room. Elijah nodded and removed a canister colored perfectly to match the floor. He placed a finger to his lips as he crouched down and placed the device on the floor. He gently rolled it out into the gaggle of men. He stood back up and pressed his back against the wall. Glancing at his watch he held up five fingers. Five, four, three, two, one, one by one his fingers fell. Nine thumps followed in the next room. They waited another minute before entering the next room.  
  
"You take that door and I'll take these two," Elijah told Megan. Megan nodded and approached her door. Elijah approached his. Megan tried hers but it was locked. So she removed a pen and took the cap off. She placed it against the lock and pressed the button on the top down. A tiny laser, smaller than the eye could detect, blasted the lock away. She opened up the door slowly taking caution of anything that might be behind the door. The room turned up nothing but paper piled mile high. Elijah's door was unlocked and also proved fruitless. He turned to the last door and tried it. It was locked. He also took out a pen device and blasted the lock. He slowly opened the door and peered inside. The kidnapped ambassador lay gagged and drugged on the floor. Elijah ran to his side. He ripped off the scotch tape and untied the ropes. The man groaned as Megan also ran to his aid.  
  
"Is he," Megan started. Elijah nodded as the guys eyes flew open and his body convulsed.  
  
"Check his pulse!" Elijah yelled as Megan reached for the mans waving arms. Megan tried to steady the mans arm as she took his pulse.  
  
"His hearts going like a rocket, we're losing him!" Elijah reached into the back of his belt and pulled out a mini oxygen tank. He placed it against the mans mouth. The man pushed it off and sat straight up gasping for breath. He grabbed Megan's shirt and in a raspy voice said,  
  
"The information is inside the man who walks but does not walk alone." Then his grip loosened and he fell back down to the floor. Megan quickly checked his pulse and sighed. She slumped to the floor and put her head in her hands.  
  
"He's gone," she whispered. Elijah motioned for her to get to her feet. They silently walked out into the areas where the men lay. Megan pushed all her feeling aside and waited for a moment. A giant skylight was encompassing the ceiling above them. The ceiling was then shattered into a million pieces and two ropes were lowered down. Elijah and Megan attached themselves to the ropes and were lifted up and out into the blue sky. 


	2. Vegas anyone?

Chapter two  
  
  
  
"I know a song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends," drifted out from the backseat of the car. Kate Giller, twenty-five, pulled the car off the road and turned to face her singing adversary.  
  
"MEGAN!" she screamed. Megan quickly stopped singing her song and crunched herself up into a tiny ball. She giggled and Elijah groaned and pushed himself farther into the corner.  
  
"I'm a little ball of fluff," Megan said between giggles and squeals of excitement. Kate looked to the seat next to her and smiled at Craig who sat beside her with his hands over his ears.  
  
"According to these directions we should stop right about here," Kate said pulling forward an inch from where they had stopped. Everyone immediately jumped out of the car leaving Megan alone. The three clustered together.  
  
"Ok, the guy said we'd get our next instructions from here? But where are they?" Elijah said scanning the horizon. Everywhere around them was desert. Probably due to the fact that they were in Arizona but you never know.  
  
"This is stupid, I'd rather be back in the car with Ms. Happy in there than be drenched in sweat," Craig said just as a low rumble began under their feet. Megan jumped out of the car screaming,  
  
"IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kate quickly ran to her so that she wouldn't hurt herself in her frenzy. A helicopter circled above them dropping a small parcel landing directly on Elijah's head.  
  
"Oh boy," Elijah said as he crumpled to the ground unconscious. Megan pointed at Elijah's body.  
  
"The funny man is sleeping," she said. Craig and Kate looked at Megan in disgust. Megan, ignoring their looks, went over and picked up the item that had been dropped.  
  
"It's a pair of sunglasses!" Megan squealed and tossed them to Kate. Kate looked them over and cringed.  
  
"A pair of Brittney Spears sunglasses! Man, I didn't know the IMF was THAT broke!" Kate held them out Craig who declined gratefully.  
  
"Last time I put on those things I couldn't take them off and you know, BOOM!" Kate nodded and looked at Megan who was now kicking Elijah's unmoving body.  
  
"Wake up happy man!" she screamed. Kate just shook her head and put the sunglasses on. All she saw was the surrounding territory.  
  
"They don't seem to be working," she said whacking them with her hand. A voice came blaring into her ear.  
  
"Good morning Kate. Sorry for such a distant location but due to the low budget we couldn't afford anything fancier. So, without further delay, your mission if you choose to accept it is to go to Vegas and retrieve my ham sandwich. It was very tasty and my wife made it and, gosh, I just want it back. The man you are searching for is Carlos hitshishead. If any of your team dies, and we hope one, namely Megan, dies, we will disavow all knowledge of that person. These sun glasses will self destruct in a few seconds." Kate quickly threw the sunglasses onto the ground.  
  
  
  
Ten minutes Later..  
  
  
  
"Can we go yet?" Elijah muttered rubbing his bruised head. Kate put a finger to her mouth and watched the sunglasses intently. If they were going to blow up she'd be there to watch. Megan had begun to poke the sunglasses with a stick.  
  
"Glasses go boom!" Megan said just as the sunglasses decided to explode. Craig got up from his place next to Elijah and wiped his hands on his pants.  
  
"Can we go now? Megan is giving me a headache!" Craig complained. Megan ran up to him and pulled at his sleeve.  
  
"Craig! I want a pair of Brittney Spears! I want some! PLEASE!?" she squealed jumping up and down. Craig roughly threw her from his arm and looked to Kate.  
  
"What did the man want?" he asked. Elijah joined them. He was followed, sadly, by Megan. Kate explained the current situation and what they had to do. They all nodded in agreement.  
  
"So it's settled," Elijah said with a sly grin, "Vegas anyone?" 


End file.
